Remember to Play

Early in relationships, it's easy to be playful. At least, it is for most people. I had a first date once where we were going to a movie of my date’s choice. The movie she chose was “Happy Feet,” and we went into a mostly empty theater. We decided to sit in the very last row, and things were going great. Well…. About halfway through the movie, she got bored and pulled out a book and a small book light. “What are you doing?” I asked her. “I am bored, so I am going to catch up on my reading.” I was stunned…. We were watching a movie (which if I had my choice we would have been sitting in “Tenacious-D and the Pick of Destiny” or “Casino Royale.”) I don’t think it is such a huge jump to make the conclusion that this was not only our first, but also our last date.

I suspect that most people do a better job being playful on dates, but once you're coupled up and having regular discussions about who did the dishes last, play may not come as easily. I'm not giving up, though. In his book Play, psychiatrist Stewart Brown says that playing is key to keeping relationships from hardening into drudgery. The down side, is that he doesn’t give any ideas or suggestions to how couples should do that. So, here are a few ideas we have done (or want to do):

Challenge your partner to a wrestling match. Careful to not be too aggressive, also watch out for fingernails and jewelry.

Play people-watching "Bingo." All you need for this one is a pen and paper. The next time you're bored and are at the local mall or run out of things to talk about at dinner, draw a grid and fill it in with people you're likely to see. In our community, for instance, that might include "two or more women with yoga mats," and "Couple who are clearly using pets as practice children." Then trade grids and play Bingo for a good prize, like a backrub, the other person paying the bill, or something a little more sensual.

Play the "Newlywed" game. I actually had a good time playing this with my parents and a handful of friends not long ago. The trick is vetting questions so that they are spicy but not too revealing. So, "Where was the first time you did the dirty?" – this might not be so good for a family game. But, "Where was your first kiss?" works well.

Impromptu Pillow Fight.  Ambush your partner with an impromptu pillow fight! Nothing can keep the passion alive in a relationship than maintaining a sense of humor! (Trust me, NOTHING is funnier than watching your partner fly across the bed in their underwear, pillow in hand, yelling “BONZAI” as the pillow is swinging at your head.)

Play Photo Booth. Grab your camera phone and start taking pictures of you two. Make funny faces, kissy faces, and capturing a sweet kiss between the two of you! BONUS: Add your favorite or the most embarrassing photo of your partner as their Caller ID photo.

Play Hide and Seek. My wife and I have had some fun with this one. In each apartment we have lived in, we have “christened” it with a couple good games of hide and seek. If you want to put an adult spin on this game, play it naked and whenever you get found you have to complete some sort of sensual act with each other in the location of your hiding place.

I'll be trying these and will let you know how it goes. Got any ideas of your own to add?

Date Ideas for Every Day of the Month

We need to spend some time as a couple and as a family. This time must be quality over quantity. This time is so important that if you have to reserve it in your agenda, do so. Your family bonds will grow stronger. Here are some suggestions of dates you can have both as a couple and as a family as well. Starting with family activities can be frustrating sometimes because the family is not use to reserve time for them, and most of the time they have their own preference in activities such as video games, hanging out with friends, watching tv, etc. Don’t give up, instead start planning ahead the activities you want to have. If you plan ahead of time the rest of the family will have time to plan activities for themselves. You don’t need to have an activity as a family every night, but you do need to spend some time as a couple reserved for nothing else. If you have kids there is a chance that you might be interrupted, and that is ok. But before you fall asleep, talk to your partner and reserve all your attention to him or her.

The following suggestions can be done as a family or as a couple.
      1.      Go for a dip in a public pool. (probably not the best idea for a first date)

2.     Go to a local aquarium, aviary, zoo, etc.

3.      Take a walk in the park.

4.      Go to the grocery store and get an ice-cream cone.

5.      Go for a drive in the mountains.

6.      Stay home and watch a movie.

7.      Go for a date with the whole family

8.      Go to a local mall and people watch

9.      Have a game night with the whole family

10.  Go to a museum

11.  Go to a movie.

12.  Go to a play

13.  Have a water balloon fight.

14.  Plan scavenger hunts together; either compete with your partner or make it a group date and invite some friends.

15.  Plan a service date. Help at a food bank, homeless shelter, orphanage, or at senior home, animal shelter, etc.

16.  Go bowling.

17.  Go to an arcade and play

18.  Play laser tag

19.  Have a night of star gazing

20.  Go paint balling

21.  Go camping if not overnight, just to a bonfire

22.  Have a family-film night (watch your home-made movies)

23.  Go window shopping at a mall, and have a meal at the food court.

24.  Have a barbecue

25.  Cook a meal as a family

  

Here are some activities that are more weather related, but always fun!

26.  Go swimming

27.  Go for a picnic

28.  Go for a hike

29.  Go ice blocking (buy ice blocks from a store, and slide down a hill on a park).

30.  Go to an amusement park.

31.  Build a snowman

32.  Carve a pumpkin

33.  Have a family-film night (watch your home-made movies)

 Here are some activities exclusively for couples.

34.  Keep a journal or a  blog together as a couple with memorable things for posterity

35.  Go to Starbucks and have a drink and a good conversation

36.  Turn the tv off and have a fun conversation about fun memories or something not too serious.

37.  Watch a game  at a sports bar

38.  Go to McDonalds and order random food, put blindfolds on and feed each other. See if you can 

      guess correctly what you are eating. It is super fun and you get to eat at the same time.

39.  Go to a thrift store and find random stuff, be sure to try wigs, and funny outfits.

40.  At the thrift store that you  went one day before pick an outfit for your partner and wear it on a public date.

41.  Make a special dinner at home. If you have children, have them stay at grandma, at a neighbor’s or at a classmate’s house.

42.  Go to a comedy club

43.  Go to a local concert.

44.  Reserve a night for ROMANCE. Check out our blog XOXO Foreplay XOXO for some activities suggestions.

Be patient and plan ahead. If your partner is usually tired because of working schedule, don’t be frustrated. Have some simple relaxing time. No matter how tired your partner is, there is always time for some steamy activities, but if your partner is not feeling well, do not pressure, just be there and show him or her how much you love him or her.

Building and Maintaining Trust in a Relationship

Trust in your relationship is the most valuable thing you will ever have. Once the trust is gone, the marriage is soon to follow. Below are some tips that I found online that I hope can help you build, maintain, or strengthen the trust you and your spouse share. I can personally attest to these being the key to a strong relationship. My wife and I share everything, and our relationship is stronger than those of most of our friends.

• Keep what your partner tells you within the confines of your relationship. Telling others what your partner has shared with you in confidence destroys trust.
• Don’t rely on email, phone calls and texts to communicate with your partner. Spend time communicating face-to-face. Communicating in person will help each of you to build a greater sense of security as you become more open and vulnerable with one another.
• Consider your partner’s interests. The more you do for him or her, the more he or she will know that they can count on you and that you have their best interests at heart. If your partner feels like they can count on you, it will make it much easier for them to share the more vulnerable parts of themselves with you.
• Follow through with the little promises that you make. For example, if you say that you will call or be some place at a certain time, be sure that you do these things. Small actions matter toward helping you to build a strong foundation of trust.
• Learn to apologize when you make a mistake or disappoint your partner. An authentic apology should be sincere and from the heart. To be truly meaningful, take responsibility for your actions and reassure your partner that you understand how your action impacted him or her.
• As you learn more about your partner, allow yourself to share more personal information and history with him or her. Aim for balance between how much each of you shares, since trust is not built if only one person shares.
• Spend time together doing things that make each of you happy. Since you are two different people, you will naturally like some different things. Being open to a new experience that your partner brings to you will build the bond between you and trust will follow.
• Practice forgiveness when you are upset with your partner, and let go of a hurt after the two of you have talked it through. Receiving a sincere apology builds trust in an important way.
• Take some time away from your partner to check in with yourself, and get some feedback from your trusted friends or relatives. By taking space and speaking with a trusted friend or relative, you may gain a new perspective about your relationship. For example, you may discover that you have been pushing aside information about your partner that tells you this person cannot be trusted. On the other hand, you may discover that your partner is ultimately worthy of your trust.
• Trust can fluctuate over time as each of you experiences the bumps of life. Reassure each other that your love and safety are still intact. This will further strengthen the foundation of trust between the two of you.